How to Talk with Someone Who Has Dementia

The old rules of conversation stop working. Here are gentler ones.

Slow down. Speak a little slower and a little lower than feels natural. Give them time to answer — much more time than feels comfortable.

One idea at a time. "Would you like to put your shoes on and go for a walk?" is two questions. Try: "Let's put your shoes on." Wait. "Now let's go outside."

Don't quiz. "Do you remember what we did yesterday?" puts them on the spot. Instead: "Yesterday we saw the roses — they were beautiful."

Don't argue with the reality they are in. If they say their mother is coming to visit, and their mother has been gone for thirty years, the answer is not "Mom died in 1994." The answer is: "Tell me about your mom."

Match their feeling, not their facts. If they are scared, comfort the fear. If they are angry, acknowledge it. The feeling is real even when the story isn't.

Use their name. Use touch. Use eye contact. These reach places words cannot.